True but thats because hes a fetus.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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