Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
