if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
