You're so nebulous sometimes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
