ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
