Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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