I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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