yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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