If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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