there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
