She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
