weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
