Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
