What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
