I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
