There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
