After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
