three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
