dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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