I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
