I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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