I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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