Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
