Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
