I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
