It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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