this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
