it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
