Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
