it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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