Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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