Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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