I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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