My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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