I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
