mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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