you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
