My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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