how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
