well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you will always have a special place in my vag
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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