I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
