He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
