is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
