I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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