Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
