i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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