I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
