I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
