Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
