Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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