I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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