dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
