She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
