I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
