Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
