Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
