i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
