What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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