Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
