just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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