she smelled like a LAN party
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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