Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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