I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
