Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think i got beer on your cat.
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