too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
