It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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