Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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