I hope mine doesn't look like that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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