you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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