You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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